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Three Surefire Tips For Business Success

Three Surefire Tips For Business Success

Succeeding at business isn’t hard. In my life, I’ve started three, two of which I grew into Fortune 500 companies and the third of which is about to become the first-ever Fortune 600 Hypercompany. What does that even mean? Ask me again in 2183, when I’m immortal and you’re speaking to me through the afterlife phone that I invented.

I’ve said too much. The point is, being a successful businessman is easy, no matter what industry you find yourself in. Join me today as I break down three of the most important qualities every successful entrepreneur has to have to make it big, and I’ll see you at the finish line with a bottle of water and a signed copy of my book, “Hey, It’s Me, Your Old Friend, Success, From College. Remember When We Used To Hang Out?”

  • Skip Basic English. Learn To Inspire.
  • Nice Guys Finish Wherever They Want To. Horse Guys Finish Last.
  • Build Your Brand Into A Mechabrand.

Skip Basic English. Learn To Inspire.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: being able to write complete sentences that people understand is lame. Nobody in my secret society of successful businessmen does it, and we’ve got Stephens Spielberg and King.

Why is being a good writer boring, unexciting and stupid? Because it’s not sexy. And business has to be sexy, or you’re not doing it right. Instead of writing clearly or with good grammar, you should be inspiring people. Take a photo of yourself in a Maserati and add a three word caption: “Dream Your Reality”.

Sounds great, no? It means nothing. With practice, you’ll be able to create inspirational content from as little as one or two words with no problem.

What’s that? It’s “as few as one or two words”? Get the hell out of here, nerd!


Nice Guys Finish Wherever They Want To. Horse Guys Finish Last.

The business world of Don Draper is a thing of the past. Gone are the days when you had to be a cutthroat business pirate to be successful and, frankly, good riddance! Who needs deceptive contracts, manipulation and deceit to get ahead in business? If you think you do, you’ve got bigger problems than just your next paycheck.

Nice guys, real, honest nice guys who aren’t banging a gong about their niceness, are in, and we’re lucky to have them.

You know who’s not in, though? Horse guys. Those guys are on their way out, and I say it’s high time! When was the last time you looked at a horse? They’re monsters, and don’t let the press or your 11 year old niece tell you any differently.

The following are my top three reasons why horse guys should be watching their backs in 2019:

  • Horses are shifty. They will pry apart your blinds with their hooves at night and watch you from the shadows.
  • “Dressage” comes from the old Norse for “Witchcraft”, making both horses and their guys supremely creepy.
  • You ever notice how horses and their guys start to look like one another after a while? No? Just me? Well, it’s still going on my list because wow, so creepy.

Build Your Brand Into A Mechabrand

Coca Cola. Viagra. NBC. Martha Stewart. What do all of these massive brands have in common? At some point in their history, they’ve all become giant robot versions of themselves and battled each other. Metaphorically, that is, every time one of these companies innovates, goes public, develops new technology and serves their fans.

But also literally! That’s where you need to take your company if you want to stand a chance at true success. Follow in the footsteps of the greats and convert your office space into the command station for a 30 foot battle robot! With retractable swords and a force-field, there will be literally nothing your competitors can do to stop you. And, once they’re vanquished, the world will be yours for the taking!

Or, you know, it makes for a fun talking point at parties.

Keen to learn more about what it takes to be a success in the business world? Looking for more on the latest games and entertainment? Follow Duncan on LinkedIn, and check out more of his blogs right here, on Dangerpedia!

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