Five Signs Your Fiverr Writer Is Actually A Cat
Fiverr is a freelancing platform that allows businesses to rent the services of different professionals to do pretty much any job you can think of for as little as $5. Need a plumber? Find one on Fiverr. Looking for someone to write your eulogy? A Fiverr writer’s who you want.
Of course, professionals on the site offer their services for much more, but that’s dependent on their experience, ability, and resources. There is a dark underbelly to the popular work site, however. A secret nobody talks about, but which affects everybody who comes into contact with it. The single chilling fact that, from time to time, some of the people you’re hiring to write your newsletter are just regular old cats.
Don’t laugh. People suffer under incompetent cat writing standards every day, while all around the world people laugh at them. Finding a solution for this problem starts with acknowledging it, and that starts right here, right meow.
Join us today, as we break down the five warning signs you’ve hired a Fiverr writer who’s really a cat:
- Every Topic Somehow Comes Back To Fish
- Their Keyword Research Is Trash
- No Regard For Copyright Claims
- They Keep Hitting You Up For More Money
- Their Writing Is…Just Terrible
Every Topic Somehow Comes Back To Fish
It’s the big day. You’ve waited all week for an article on drywall, and your brand new Fiverr writer just binged your inbox. You kick your feet up, click your mouse up, and get ready for something awesome.
The document opens. “Five Tasty Fish Dinners To Trick Your Human Into Making”.
That’s weird, you think. Maybe you got their brief mixed up. No, no there it is in the email. “Write something even vaguely interesting about drywall”. Why would he send you 564 words on fish recipes? There’s nothing even kind of about the actual topic in this thing.
And what does he mean, “Your human is an idiot and will make whatever you want, just leave this in his inbox”? This is crazy person talk, right?
Well, yes. It is. Unless your Fiverr writer’s not a person at all…
Their Keyword Research Is Trash
Cats are notoriously bad at conducting any kind of keyword research. Look out for lazy, unoriginal keywords and oldschool keyword stuffing in your next article as a clear sign you’re dealing with a straight up feline. Examples may include:
- “drywall drywall drywall drywall drywall drywall drywall drywall”
- “the benefits of dumb old drywall”
- “dry balls hehehehe”
While it’s true that, sometimes, humans use crappy keywords to write articles as well, cats are malicious creatures, and you’ll often get the feeling they’re doing it on purpose. Trust your instinct. That guy you hired on Fiverr is a cat, and that cat wants your project to fail.
No Regard For Copyright Claims
Of course, with cats disregarding 100% of your problems, it stands to reason they wouldn’t give half a tuna fish for international copyright law. Watch out for articles submitted with images clearly stolen from major brands. We’re talking Disney. Nintendo. Movies that have not even been released yet.
They’ll pirate anything they can get their hands on. And then, at the court case, they’ll deny having ever met you. Look out for stolen images, because a cat will throw you right under the bus in front of a judge!
They Keep Hitting You Up For More Money
There is no animal on earth more hard up for cash than a cat. And because their breed has never been put to use in agriculture or any other industry, they have zero concept of doing hard work for a paycheck.
At the point where you’re working with a cat on Fiverr, you can expect them to send you messages for more money basically every day for weeks into your project without ever delivering on anything. Because cats don’t care about anything, except for that paper.
Their Writing Is…Just Terrible
Remember the late 90s protomeme, Lolcats? Remember all of that adorable misspelling that made all of those cats so cute, because of course a cat couldn’t spell “Hamburger”! They’re a cat!
This is the biggest tell when it comes to cats masquerading as Fiverr writers, and they hate when this secret gets out, Pay close attention to writing for anything you could call unreasonably crappy. These are household animals with no formal education and tiny bean pad things on their typing feet. They have no idea what they’re doing, and it shows in pretty much everything they write.
Fiverr Writer or Feline Fake?
Have you been the victim of a fake Fiverr writer who turned out to be a cat? Leave your story in the comments below, and let’s shine a spotlight on this terrible trend in freelancing.